LaurieLou ([info]laurielou862) wrote,
@ 2005-11-25 12:40:00
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a revolutionary set of ideas
"a lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
women should learn self-defense. women women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

instead of that bullshit, how about:

if a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
if a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
if a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
if a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
if a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
if a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
if a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
if a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
if a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

if a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
if your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
if your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.
if you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
if your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.

if your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
if your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.

don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself."

~unknown

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[info]ignignokt
2005-11-25 09:21 pm UTC (link)
Until the rest of it kicks in, I think this is still a good idea:

don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.

Not for me, though, since I don't really know how to avoid rape.

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[info]bookgirlwa
2005-11-26 06:46 am UTC (link)
I think this is about the fourth time I've seen this on LJ and have only just realised they left out one important one: Don't betray your daughter, friend, coworker etc, by telling her she is making it up/it is all in her head when she finds the courage to tell you she has been raped.

Have seen this close to home in the last few days and am still in a towering rage over the cruelty and stupidity and betrayal of a daughter by her own mother.

Thanks for reposting this.

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[info]ladydarkplace
2005-11-26 09:28 am UTC (link)
Good point.

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[info]9chambers
2005-11-26 07:50 am UTC (link)
I still think it's smart to teach women how to avoid being raped. Because, honestly, no matter how often you preach to men, you aren't going to get all of them to listen. Rape isn't an accident. Most of those guys know better. They just do it anyway. We should try to teach those who don't know but women should also be alert to the fact that a lot of guys just don't care and will abuse them.

I agree with a lot of the things said but this post is about like telling people not to learn to prevent robberies. Instead, go tell all the robbers to stop it. That's not going to work.

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[info]chuckland
2005-11-27 04:07 am UTC (link)
Well said. You and I hardly ever see eye to eye on a topic, but I am in complete agreement with your comment.

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[info]laurielou862
2005-12-05 05:20 pm UTC (link)
Dear Chuckland -

I am severely disabled. The ways a woman is told to "avoid rape" are mostly unusable to me. I cannot run, I cannot Mace and run at the same time, I cannot kick, if someone takes me and my chair to a party upstairs, any amount of stairs, even one, I cannot get out/away on my own. On my SS disability I cannot afford an adapted car I could drive that would take me off the streets. Should I not leave my house after the sun goes down? Should I make sure I have a chaperone that stays with me at all times when I go to a party?

The ways I would have to change my life to "try and avoid rape" are ridiculous. Apparently, since I have lost my ability to run and kick and even hold my own legs together, I should no longer go out by myself, be left unattended at a party, go *anywhere* with any male acquaintance (you are aware that "stranger in a dark alley" only makes up a very small percentage of rape, right? Most rapists are known and trusted by the victim - hence I have a higher chance of being raped by the one who's meant to protect me, my acquaintance).

Of course I want women to be safe. But what I do not want is women to be safe at great expense of their own personal freedom. It's very easy for men to say "women should do X to stay safe", because you never have to do X. You don't need to watch your drink at the bar. You don't need to worry about your nipples showing when you get dressed in the morning. You don't need to restrict yourself from wearing shorts in the wrong part of town.

"I still think it's smart to teach women how to avoid being raped."

This one always makes me laugh. Women are raped by strangers, acqaintances, family members, counselors, clergy, police, boyfriends, husbands, ex-husbands, and just about anyone else you can think of that you trust. This "rape" that most men try to "keep women safe from" involves drunken frat parties or the stranger jumping you in the dark alley at night.

Tell me, how do we teach women to be safe when it's the ones closest to them that often commit the rape? Do we just stop letting our boyfriends into the house without a chaparone? Do we lock our doors against our husbands at night? When a good friend of ours can give us a ride home from the bar, do we accept or do we try to find a cab? Both situations carry the threat of rape. Which situation would you, as a woman, knowing that acquaintance rape is far more common than stranger rape, choose? The dark street looks scary, but you know the dark street is statistically safer. What do you do?

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[info]lickerish
2005-11-30 07:25 pm UTC (link)
Yes it's true you cannot stop men who have already decided to rape to simply "stop". But avoiding preventative education all together is like implying that men are animals that are born rapists and nothing can change it. Rapists are enabled by cultures all over the world that don't give men universal access to tools for managing aggression, a failure to emphasize respect towards women and a lack of grave social consequences for physical and sexual violence.

Most people become the things they are, relatively few are pathological criminals. And even though there will always be sexual violence, preventative measures are where we need to start. And it's men who need to take the lead in educating other men. Putting the burden on women to prevent rape is like telling a car crash victim not to let other people drive drunk.

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[info]laurielou862
2005-12-05 05:00 pm UTC (link)
Wow, my email hasn't been sending me comments, so I missed this one. Thank you so much for saying what I wanted to say.

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[info]9chambers
2005-12-12 01:41 am UTC (link)
I'm just saying. You can't neglect teaching rape prevention to girls if you are going to be realistic.

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[info]laurielou862
2005-12-12 06:57 pm UTC (link)
If you can find ways to protect women from the majority of rapists, then I'll listen. However, given that the majority of rapes are committed by someone the woman knows, I don't believe you'll be able to come up with much. Stranger in the dark alley, check. Now, how about these other, far, far more common situations?

-boyfriends
-acquaintances
-ex-boyfriends
-husbands
-brothers
-fathers
-police
-clergy
-government-assigned rape in times of warfare
-doctors
-bosses
-customers (watch those night shifts!)
-PCAs (Personal Care Attendents for disabled people)

You see, men like to think that their "ways to avoid a rapist" are actually realistic. I've come to the conclusion that these empty "rape prevention" rules make men feel like they've done their part. That these "safety measures" will actually protect women from the majority of rape. Women do get raped by those scary deranged strangers now and then, but far more often they get raped by those they know. Shall we all have chaparones, now? What are your "preventions" for the majority of rape situations?

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[info]9chambers
2005-12-18 08:15 pm UTC (link)
Actually, most real self-defense courses for rape prevention concentrate on prevention. It's not about the guy in the dark alley. It's about learning to avoid situations that can leave you vulnerable. It isn't about fighting.

Everyone is painfully aware that most rapes happen because of assholes we know. Most males who are raped/abused are also raped/abused by older relatives or authority figures. We know that.

What can we do about that? Do you honestly think a child molester is going to watch some "don't molest kids" film in grade school and decide to never go down that road?

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[info]lickerish
2005-12-01 11:37 pm UTC (link)
In the UK, 1 in 3 blame the woman an Amnesty International report released in early November showed.

1 in 3 Brits believe women who flirt or are drunk are at least partly responsible for being raped; 1 in 4 Brits believe the woman is partially or completely responsible if she wears revealing clothing. 1 in 7 Brits believe she's at least partly responsible if she's known to be promiscuous.

Kate Allen, Amnesty International's UK director, said the results were shocking and called on the government to change its way of handling rape. "The government's policies on tackling rape are failing and failing badly." she said.

Only 5.6 percent of rape cases in Britain in the last year ended in a conviction - the lowest rate ever - and it's believed that the 13,000 reported cases represent only 15 percent percent of the actual number of rapes that occurred.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/crime/article/0,,1650583,00.html
http://www.guardian.co.uk/crime/article/0,,1647344,00.html

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